Thursday, June 21, 2012

Peeling my skin off...

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to peel your skin off and run down the road screaming at the top of your lungs?
No?

Well I have...maybe you're not being honest.  I'm sure I'm not crazy. 
I have days where I've eaten too much, slept too long, whined inexcessively and wasted way too much time.  Those are the days that I want to run away and hide.

Today is one of those days.  There are so many things I'm supposed to do.  I have a list a mile long.  And I manage to convince myself (and those around me) that if I complete one or two tasks, I've had a full day.
Why do we do this?  hmm? oh, I'm still alone here?

Ok, fine...you're sleeping well, getting up in plenty of time to get all your things done, pleasing everyone in your life, keeping a smile the whole time and feeling fulfilled.  Do you have any idea how rare you are?  And how much the rest of us hate you?

Hate is such a harsh word.  But I feel it edging in more and more lately, making itself comfortable in my mind.  The problem is that it is commonly aimed at myself.

I need to regain my focus. 
My best days have always started early.  I know that if I eat only fruit from the time I get up till noon, my body will be able to function with elimination processes uninhibited.
I must drink plenty of water.  And I actually carry around a re-usable plastic cup with cover & straw to enable this.
I try not to eat red meat.  I have been known as a vegetarian in the past. Yes those have been my healthiest points in my life...but for some reason I get weak at the scent of a BBQ.
When I indulge in sweets or 'junk food' I try to keep it homemade.  We don't drink pop at all.  Juice & water only.
And I walk the dogs twice a day, down to the corner.

So....sounds good right?  I should be the picture of health, right?
WRONG.

I'm still overweight.  Is it because I'm getting older? Is it because I have stopped running?  Is it because of the stash of dark chocolate in the kitchen that no one is allowed to touch but me?

I used to be on a cleansing program that regularly rid my body of toxins...but it was expensive.
I used to run every day, rain or shine...but I damaged my knees and can no longer run.
I used to get up early every day and do yoga...but now I have a hard time dragging my sorry butt out of bed in the morning.

What is it?  What is happening to my body?  Is it the dreaded 'M' word that every woman faces?

Or is it that I am simply making too many excuses....
Maybe I'm getting too soft in my world.
Maybe I need someone to push me harder...
Maybe...it needs to be me.

That's it, I'm getting up early tomorrow, I'm going to do my hour of yoga, eat my fresh fruit and walk the dogs.  Then I will sit at my desk and write to my heart's content.  I will have a wonderful start to a beautiful day!

Unless......it's really hot tomorrow morning....or I forget to take my phone off vibrate and don't hear my alarm...or....



Believe in yourself....Believe you deserve better...

Just believe...

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